People-pleaser-itis

12 06 2010

People Pleasing. It’s a disease. Or a disorder. Something like that! At any rate, it’s something I for sure struggle with, and most likely, one reason I struggle with this terrible friend, Ed. I definitely find myself thinking “if I look _____ then ______ will like me more”…oh heck…let’s be blunt. It usually goes more like this: “If I look thin enough ______ (insert male name) will find me more attractive.” There. I said it. Ouch. So I basically used to torture myself to try to be thin enough so some guy might find me attractive. Sheesh, when I put that in writing it sounds really really terrible.
Trying to please people really can have a lot of negative effects. For one, the trait can push someone in developing an eating disorder. But also, being so concerned about what others think also leads people to dress in ways that aren’t them, talk differently than they would, and in general, act foreign to themselves. No bueno.
Here’s a few things I’ve decided about people pleasing. This isn’t to say that I’ve mastered them, or even come close, but thought comes before action sooo……..

1. It doesn’t matter what other people think. The only stipulations for me are when people come to me with concerns about my weight/health or anything the Doctor/other health professionals tell me
2. If I try to please people, I won’t be satisfied. Who am I doing any of these things for anyways? Do I wear my hair like that because I like it or because ______ likes it?
3. Those who demand a certain appearance from me aren’t true friends. It fits with my last post about Ed being like a bad boyfriend. There’s encouraging friends to take care of themselves and take pride in their appearance, and then there’s abuse.
4. Not to be cliché, but…is it more important that I please men or please God? Seriously. Where does my motivation come from? Even in gaining weight, am I working hard because I know it’ll make everyone else happy, or am I working hard because my health and well-being depend on it? And, do I do any of these things for the glory of God or for the glory of men? Do I eat healthy and take care of my body so those around me will be pleased or because my body is a temple of the Living and Loving God? Ok, enough questions 🙂

Now just a note…my goal isn’t to completely disregard what anyone else on the planet thinks of me, but rather to work on putting it all in perspective.

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