Just Not Enough

15 07 2010

Guys, I’m kinda nervous to actually be posting this. I feel like it’s a bit more…in depth or personal maybe, than other posts. But I’m gonna be brave and post anyways!

In a post a couple of weeks ago, I discussed the voice of the Enemy, mostly what it says to me. While it says a lot to me (or at least a lot more than I’d like it to), one thing I’ve been thinking about more and more is its lie that…I’m not enough. While waiting to get on the train the other night, I decided to look at some old notes I’d saved in my phone. The following is roughly half of what inspired this post:

“The voice gets louder when I feel inadequate for some reason. For example, if I feel that a certain guy isn’t paying attention [to me], or likes another girl, I automatically make the conclusion that its because I’m not good enough…pretty enough…vivacious enough…thin enough.”

Why the heck am I telling you this? It’s so personal! It’s so revealing about myself. It’s so risky! But it’s so true. And that, my friends, is why I’m telling you. Not because I’m looking for extra attention or pity, not because I think it will look good and dramatic in type. Nope. The point of writing this blog is to be open, honest, and transparent, so by writing that note that I found in my phone, I’m doing just that.

The lie is that I’m not ______ enough. (You can fill in the blank with almost anything.) See, not every guy in the world has to “like” me…or even SHOULD like me. And in my mind, I know this for absolute fact. Hello!! But the Enemy has tricked my heart…has tried to overrun it with lies and deception. Being a people pleaser doesn’t help. So when I feel rejection (real or enemy-conjured) my head doesn’t think anything of it…at first. But then the Enemy whispers those lies to my heart and tricks it into believing. My head then falls for the lie because I feel so strongly in my heart, and bam. Suddenly, I’m a terrible, ugly, boring, fat chick. Huh WHAT??? False.

Just as a side note, it’s not only in the world of guys that the Enemy tricks me into feeling not _____ enough. When I mess up at work, or when someone gets upset with me, or even when I just flat out don’t feel well, I’m likely to hear that little yet pervasive whispered lie. Yuck.

By now, you’re probably wondering what the other half of my inspiration for this post is. A super-cool friend of mine just posted a new entry on his blog (thebrainrack) that talks about our image of God, and how a poor image of God essentially deceives us into thinking we can do things on our own. He used a quote from a book, and a mini-portion of that literally almost whacked me in the face, giving me the rest of my necessary inspiration.

“Under the bondage of the serpent’s lie, we try to achieve through our own efforts what God wants to freely give us. We have a God-shaped vacuum in our hearts that only God can fill. But we try to fill that vacuum through our illegitimately seized knowledge of good and evil. Instead of innocently trusting God to meet our innermost needs, we trust our own assessment of things and our own ability to get the things we deem “good”. We live by our knowledge of good and evil rather than by trusting our loving God.”

Woah. Based on this, when I listen to and believe the lies of the Enemy, I’m basically telling God I can do it on my own. * Ahem * what was that? Have I read the Old Testament? Have I read about Israel and the cycles of disobedience and repentance? Have I seen countless people in this very world try to just do things on their own, without the help of their Savior, and fail? The answer is yes, to each and every question. So why on earth would I do the same thing? Because Satan is a liar, and a darn good one at that. He makes me forget about all these past examples; gives me a false sense of power and security that I can do things on my own…then drops me. He makes me think that being thin – by not eating – my problems will be solved or I’ll feel great about everything that comes my way because I “look good”. Since when was overly thin a good look on anyone? You see, Satan is the worst bad boyfriend. The ultimate liar. I think I want to slap him now.

I am enough because God made me. I am enough. God still has much work to do in me, but for the time, I am enough. And you are enough. Nothing the Enemy can do could ever change that.

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7 responses

15 07 2010
Aunt Chelle

I didn’t reach this level until I had a child. Would I be a good mother (read “perfect mother”). It took a while, but I came to understand that no one is a perfect mother, but with a little work and humility, I would be ‘good enough.’

So ask yourself, “. . . am I enough as I am?” With a yes answer, you will be free to change things as you see fit without worrying over extremes.

This was enough for me.

LAC

15 07 2010
mybadfriended

Thank you 🙂

15 07 2010
onceuponthistime

This note was in a frame at a friends house,
“Just think: You’re here not by chance, but by God’s choosing. His hand formed you and made you the person you are. He compares you to no one else-you are one of a kind. YOU LACK NOTHING THAT HIS GRACE CAN’T GIVE YOU. He has allowed you to be here at this time in history to fulfill His special purpose for this generation.” -Roy Lessin

🙂 Love you!

15 07 2010
mybadfriended

Oh man, that’s really good! Thank you so much. Love you too!

22 07 2010
acbylsma

Girl you are so strong and I am so very proud of your boldness with this blog! I know that healing is on its way.

In direct response to this particular blog… you ARE ENOUGH! You def are simply a wonderful person that I know I need in my life.

It is so easy to listen to the lies because Satan makes it seem easier to do things his messed up way…somehow, and blind childlike faith is freakin hard…and yet so easy! Such a paradox. Never forget His complete faithfulness and reliability. Be open and loving with your Daddy 🙂 Cuddle up in his lap every morning/night to start and end your day right!!!!

Love you girl!

22 07 2010
mybadfriended

Thank you so much! I’m learning more and more each day just how sneaky and horrid Satan is. Love you too!

5 09 2010
Is there something WRONG with me!?!? « My Bad Friend Ed

[…] you haven’t read the post “Just Not Enough“, you might want to check it out before reading this. I’m borrowing the basic idea from […]

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