The Africa Bar and its Results

20 08 2010

Last week, I posted a status about eating an “Africa Bar” every night. Here’s the post to explain the Africa Bar!

I had a doctor’s appointment last Friday. It acted as a pre-school year checkup, and I also took it as an opportunity to ask the doctor if it would be feasible for me to go to Africa next spring. He laughed. Not a mean laugh, or an “oh-man-that’s-pretty-funny” laugh. But a “you would ask me that!” I answered his questions about the trip, and explained where I’d stay and who I’d be with. He cautioned me about the diarrhea bugs most people get while in a place like that, and told me that someone would be coming to the office later that day to get treatment for malaria…they had just returned from Africa. But overall, he said that he’d like for me to be able to go if I want to. BUT. I have to to be at a healthy weight. And I have to much more confident about body image and all that entails. And I’ll go in for another checkup in December. We’ll talk about in more then.

But in the meantime, what the heck am I gonna do to make sure I get an affirmative answer in December? I’m going to eat an Africa Bar every night. This is what my Doctor told me to do. (He also told me to go eat one of those ice cream bars from Costco…you know, the ones dipped in chocolate and almonds! He’s an awesome doctor 🙂 ) Now, before you google Africa Bars, I’m not referring to some special brand of protein bars. There isn’t even really a specific thing that an Africa Bar is. It’s whatever I decide for that time. Perhaps it’s a scoop of ice cream or a cookie, or maybe a protein shake. The principle of the Africa Bar is to eat something in addition to my regular meals that boosts calories. While it’s ultimately in the name of health and wellness, my motivation for the time being? Africa. The (hopeful) result of the Africa Bar? Africa.

There’s a catch, though…or at least the Enemy, the Eating Disorder Voice, would like me to think so. It’s placed a huge log in front of me that I’ll either jump over, or trip on. What might that be? The fit of my clothing. Another result of the Africa Bar.

I know that the clothes I bought recently might not fit when I’m back at a normal weight. I get that. I can accept that. But here’s what I’m struggling with right now. Some of the clothes I wore before anorexia hit hard are fitting now like they did back then. And this is hard to swallow. This voice is screaming “What’s your problem?? These clothes should fit fine! But whats that? They don’t? Ooohhhh. That’s bad. You must be fat!” Shut up.

There’s really no easy fix for this. Nothing to just make me feel better. But there’s a few things I can remember. Things like the fact that my body changes shape over time. The fact that I’ve got more muscles than before. The fact that I’m different. But there’s one more thing. Tee hee 🙂

I had a meeting with the wonderful Body Balance team yesterday. They’re always such an encouragement, and they for sure didn’t let me down this time! We talked about the practical side of things, the things I mentioned in the previous paragraph. And then came the hands on help.

#1. I’m going to get rid of some of my old clothes. Yep! Those old clothes that are uncomfortable or make me hear the eating disorder voice, that might cause me to trip…they’re getting the boot. As I’m packing to leave for college in a couple days, I’m going to go through every item of clothing I own. Some will get packed, a few things will stay at home in my closet, and the rest? It’s going in a big black garbage bag and going straight to the thrift store. And then? I’m going shopping! We might see a slight style change during the process 🙂

#2. I need distraction! Yes, there’s a time for being responsible; for doing my homework and practicing, and working. But guess what? There’s also a time for having fun. And here’s where YOU come in! I need you to be persistent in getting me to come along if you invite me to come do something. Don’t easily take no for an answer! I need to have fun, to be active and, well…act my age! I’m done with being glued to my desk every moment that I’m not in class!!

I think I hear JC Penney’s calling my name…. 😀




3 responses

20 08 2010
Aunt Chelle

Oh, darlin’ we must go shopping!!!!!!!!

20 08 2010


20 08 2010


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