Aaaaaaand GO!! One step at a time, that is.

30 08 2010

And just like that, my summer came to a screeching halt.

At this moment, I’m sitting at my desk in the bedroom of the apartment I’m sharing with three other lovely ladies. I hear the sounds of the Star Wars Wii game my roomie and her friend are playing, as well as my other two roomies laughing about something down the hall. Oh yes, and there’s the endless lullaby *cough-cough* of traffic out on I405. Class starts tomorrow, and in about 40 minutes, I have an all-apartment meeting. Ladies and Gentleman, school is back in session. Well, almost…class actually starts tomorrow…but you know what I mean.

Besides the obvious change of just being back in school, this time is a pivotal transition for me. I’m living with new people. I’m completely shifting into a new schedule. I’m around different friends. I have a new professor or two. Instead of being busy with work, I’ll be busy with homework and music practice. I’m shopping at different grocery stores. I’m buying my own food. I’m spending my own money. And I’m recovering from an eating disorder. Holy smokes! This semester is a HUGE change for me already. It almost feels like I’m teetering on the edge of a cliff…and basically, there are two possible outcomes.

I could regain my balance. Ideally, I’ll adjust, adapt, figure out my schedule, manage all the stuff going on, and everything will be cool! I’ll continue to heal, and get better at eating like a normal person. I’ll shop the sales at the grocery store, buy foods that are nourishing, healthy, and tasty, and hopefully have enough money. 😉 I’ll exercise moderately to stay healthy and combat stress. This is the hope, the preferred situation. On the outside, I think “well, of COURSE this is what’s gonna happen! Obviously!” But at the very heart of myself, I have to acknowledge the other possibility.

I could fall down. I could freak out, have serious issues in working out my schedule, feel constantly stressed, and never really feel relaxed. As a result of the chaos that’s beyond my control, I’ll reach for something I can control – what I put in my mouth, and how much I exercise – and things would just go downhill. I’ll become worried about grocery money, and perhaps buy less, or at least less nourishing foods…cheap food. In an attempt to deal with stress, I’ll exercise more than my body can handle from not eating enough, and I’ll be cranky, tired, and in general, not well. And what does this grim picture do to me? Why, it scares me like…like…psh, I don’t know…like something really scary! ANYways, this is obviously NOT where I want this semester to take me. It’s just not worth it. So what am I gonna do? Well.

I’m going to keep an organized schedule. It will be flexible, but I essentially want to establish “work time” and “practice time” and “free time”.

I’m going to take a few moments to breathe when things feel overwhelming.

I’m going to have FUN! I’m going to get out more! Oh my gosh, what a concept! Gone are the Friday or Saturday nights of curling up with my cuddly computer (whaaa?) instead of chillin’ with friends or going to soccer games, or taking walks to the water front. Sure, we all need those lazy evenings sometimes, but the key word? Sometimes.

I’m going to EAT! And I’m going to listen to my body for instructions on what, how much, and when.

I’m going to surround myself with people that make me feel good.

I’m going to wear clothes that I’m comfortable in.

And I’m going to look to the Lord for my help. He’s looking out for my good. He carries my when I’m too pooped out to walk. He places the right people in my life at just the right time. He’s pretty cool!

Now, these goals are quite huge. So I’ll take them all one step at a time. No matter how much “busy” or “go” or “ahhhhhhhh!!!” there is, it’s all just one little step at a time.

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6 responses

30 08 2010
De'Dee Brown

Jeremiah 29:11… Joshua 1:6-9…Phil 4:13… Galatians 5:13… Numbers 6: 24-26 … God has plans for a future … Be strong and courageous… You can do all things thru Christ… You are free… May God bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you and give you His peace …
He loves you so much. He is with you. May HE strengthen you and wrap his arms of peace and love around you. Keep writing!

30 08 2010
mybadfriended

Thank you, DeDee!

30 08 2010
Mom

I vote for “I could regain my balance” because I don’t want to see my girl fall down – that’s a mom thing! As the song says:
“Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You’re going to do great things,
I already know,
God’s got His hand on you so,
Don’t live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don’t forget why you’re here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say”

love you sweetheart, Mom

30 08 2010
mybadfriended

Love you too.

31 08 2010
Aunt Chelle

When seeking balance, think “medium” Not small, not large, just medium!

2 09 2010
The Brain Rack

With weather like this recently, I can’t imagine any reason to not be outside enjoying the sun and the views! Keep it up!

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