Let Go And Let God

22 09 2010

The last few days have been pretty emotionally charged. I’m not exactly sure why, but I think a lot of it has to do with homework loads catching up, cloudy skies, and *drumroll*…letting God be God. Here’s what went down: I’ve been trying way to hard to make some things in my life be what I thought they should be…trying to control them. Inside, I felt felt shakier and shakier until the other day, I sort of cracked, and I fully realized my error. That still small voice inside of me simply said “Let go. Let me take care of it” and I had no choice. That’s not to say it was an easy thing to do, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

So how does this pertain to my bad friend? Well, one thing I’ve been trying too hard to control is my bad friend himself. It’s like I forgot that God actually does care and actually does want to help me. I’ve been trying to fight on my own, whispering up a prayer for help every now and then, but I haven’t been turning anorexia over to Him on a daily basis. Big mistake. Yes, I get help from people trained in eating disorder recovery, but they aren’t a magic cure. It doesn’t fit 100%, but 1 Corinthians 2:4-5 comes to mind right now, especially the part about our faith being not in men’s wisdom but God’s power:

My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.

Bam.

The other issue at hand is emotional eating (or not eating). Most of us are familiar with forgetting to eat when we’re stressed or upset. It happens. My experience in the last couple of days has been either a complete lack of appetite, or, like today, a feeling like “don’t eat. Just don’t. Just. Don’t.” even though I’m sitting here feeling kinda shaky and really tired. Now, don’t freak out. I did just eat because I recognized the physical sensations, and stuffed that lying voice under a couch cushion. But the point is, when I’m upset or down-trodden or fill-in-the-blank strong emotion, my initial response has become “don’t eat”. But you know what? It won’t solve anything. It won’t make it any better. I certainly won’t feel happier, at least not long term. Most likely, I’ll just feel tired and even more upset. I probably won’t look too good. I’ll suddenly not be very sociable. Homework will be nearly impossible. I’ve done this before. And it’s not worth it.

So please forgive me if I’ve not seemed myself recently. And here’s to “letting go and letting God.”

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2 responses

12 10 2010
onceuponthistime

Just in case you’ve forgotten…I love ya! 😀

13 10 2010
mybadfriended

Love you too!

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